True Love Doesn't Exist Between Girls, Jade
by Chiyoraka
Summary: Jade's Christian friend tells her that she can't be in love with a girl. Jori
1. Chapter 1

**Jade's P.O.V**

"There's no such thing as true love between two girls, _Jade_," I mutter mockingly, as I pace about my room. I swipe my arm across my desk, knocking over my lamp and all the other papers stacked on it.

"You can't _marry_ a girl, _JADE_," I snarl. I knock over a vase. The glass shatters as the it hits the floor, denting the wood.

"_YOU. CAN'T. FUCKING. BE. IN. LOVE. WITH. A. GIRL. JADE," _I punch the wall between every word. I collapse and pull my legs in against my body as I cradle my bloody fist, sobbing.

* * *

Let me explain what happened. About a year ago I started going to church. I know, I know. Jade West, the badass, going to church? But whatever. I actually ended up becoming a christian. My small group leader even became one of my closest friends. But recently, I fell head over heels for a girl.

Tori Vega.

I discussed this with my small group leader, whose name is Lilianne, and she told me...well, pretty much everything I was screaming during my fit.

So, I am now lying here. Sobbing on the floor. My hands trembling, my eyes filled with tears that run down my face whenever they spill over. I am technically not crying. The tears are just leaking from my eyes. I don't cry. I never cry. I can't cry. Ice cold. Remember, Jade?

"I am not weak," I snarl. "I can do whatever I fucking want to. Let's see if God'll fucking stop me." I get up, ignoring the pain when the glass on the floor cuts in to my legs. I storm downstairs, not bothering to cover up the noise I'm making. After all, my dad doesn't give a fuck about what I do.I swiftly pick the lock to my father's liquor cabinet. I grab two bottles of vodka and grab a few shot glasses before making my way back up to my room. I pour a shot, and drink it without hesitation.

The liquid sears in my throat and my eyes tear up. I can already feel the sweet numbness overtaking my body and mind.

* * *

Shots. Shots. Shots. Shots. Shots. What the hell is going on. The room's spinning. My head's spinning. Why is it so fucking hot. A pair of cool hands touch my face. What the hell? I'm being picked up. Wait, no. I'm laying on something now. Why can't I breathe? Why do I feel like I'm suffocating? I thrash around blindly, and someone begins to murmur to me soothingly. I stiffen, then relax as some subconscious part of me realizes that I'm being helped. I feel arms wrap around me protectively, and I force my eyes to open a little bit to look at the brown haired girl cradling me in her arms as she looks down at me with a concerned look on her face.

* * *

**A.N. Truthfully, guys, I'm having a terrible night. And I decided, instead of doing what Jade did, (minus the alcohol. I'm talking about the temper tantrum.) I'd just write about it instead. So, tell me what you think, and IF you want me to continue with this. Good night, all.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Jade's P.O.V**

"What the hell are you doing here, Vega?" I mutter, snuggling deeper into her body despite the tone of my voice.

"You texted me," She answers, and pulls out her pearphone to show me a very badly written text. I texted her to "help me," apparently.

"Mm...yeah...sorry about that. I guess I kind of drunk texted you or something," I squeeze my eyes shut again and she touches my cheek softly.

"What happened?" She asks. What the hell am I supposed to tell her? That I'm torn between choosing God or loving her? That one of my closest friends basically told me that if I'm a lesbian, I'm supposedly "called" to celibate? (Which means to abstain from marriage and sexual relations.) That she told me that I _couldn't_ be in love with a girl because it's not _possible?_ Considering the fact that I technically dated Beck for awhile before realizing I had absolutely no attraction to boys, I can't exactly tell her I'm gay.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mutter bitterly as I pull away from her strong embrace. She pulls out a first aid kit and begins to treat the cuts on my knees and my bloodied hand.

"Come on, Jade. You freaking drank a crapload of vodka. Don't people who're drunk normally spill their secrets?" She whines. I sit up quickly, and she flinches at the sudden movement. I grab her wrist and lean in close enough so that our foreheads are just barely touching.

"So...I'm guessing you've never been drunk. Or near anyone who's drunk," I whisper. She gives me a weird look.

"No. Actually I have been," She disengages her wrist from my grip, and scoots away a little bit.

"Oh yeah?" I laugh. "Who?" I drop back onto the bed.

"My ex boyfriend from my last school. He used to get drunk a lot. Sometimes when he was drunk, he'd become really angry at me for nothing...and..." Her face tightens, and I can see the raw fear in her eyes.

My voice softens.

"He hurt you?" I ask, sitting up. She nods, and looks down at her lap, playing with her fingers. "...did you tell anyone?"

"No, you're the first person I've told. And besides, with that much alcohol in you, you're probably not going to remember this conversation anyways," She looks at me, and I realize the weird look I'd noticed earlier was actually fear. She was afraid of me. Afraid that I'd hurt her because I was drunk.

"Are you afraid of me?" I ask, slightly fearful of her answer. She looks at me silently for a long while.

"Only because you're drunk," she whispers. God, I'm such an idiot. No wonder she was so jumpy. No wonder she was afraid when I grabbed her arm.

"I'm sorry," I murmur. I wrap my arms around her, and she stiffens slightly at the contact before relaxing into it and wrapping her arms around my neck. Suddenly she becomes the Tori she normally is again, and springs up.

"Okay, let's get you tucked in, Jadie!" She says in a sing-song voice.

"What the hell?" I nap. But she's already undressing me and pulling an oversized t-shirt over my head for me. "Why're you so damn bipolar, Vega?"

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" She says cheerfully and loudly. She forces me under the covers and slips under with me. She wraps her arms comfortingly around my body, and I become drowsy immediately.

"Goodnight, Jadie," she says.

"Goodnight, Tori."

* * *

The next day at school, everything seemed like normal. Except for one thing. Let me explain...

This morning I woke up to find Tori gone. She left a note, though.

_Dear Jade,_

_I had to leave because I didn't want to get caught by your dad in your room with you, and I also had to go home so that my parents wouldn't find me gone in the morning. They'd probably flip out. After all, my dad's a cop. I hope you have a great last day of school!_

_Love, Tori_

Even though I had a huge amount of butterflies bouncing around inside my stomach after reading that last bit, (Love, Tori), I felt like something was off about it. My suspicions were confirmed when I got to school and Tori was nowhere to be found. I sat down with the gang at our usual lunch table, and began moodily dissecting my salad.

"Where the hell is Tori?" I demand.

"Don't you remember? She left for her vacation this morning. But then again, you probably wouldn't know because you hate her," Beck answers. Actually, I did know that she was going on vacation for the summer. But I didn't know that she was leaving on the last freaking day of school. I figured she'd at _least_ leave _after_ the school day was over. I get up and toss my salad into a garbage can.

"Where are you going?" Cat asks in her high pitched voice.

"I don't fucking know. I don't feel like being outside," I snap.

"Hahahah. The vampire's got too much sun?" Rex snickers obnoxiously. I grab him by his hair and fling him as far as I can.

"REX!" Robbie yells, and runs over to retrieve the dummy.

"That's not nice, Jade," Beck chastises me.

"Yeah," I growl. "As if I care." I storm away angrily as the bell rings.

* * *

That night, I go to youth group like I always do on Fridays. I really didn't feel like going that night. I had a horrible enough day at school already. I stood stiffly, leaning against the wall as the other kids around me worshipped. What a load of bullshit. I stalk out of the worship room to go sit on the couches outside. Eventually Lilianne comes out to check on me. Just like she always does.

"Hey." I flick my eyes over to her. "Do you want to talk?" I stay silent.

"Why are you mad at me," she sighs.

"You still aren't listening to me. But then again, you have no idea how I feel and you'll never understand me. So it's okay," I say, with a mocking edge to my voice.

"I already told you I'll be really bad at understanding how you feel. But you know, when I was talking on the phone with Brandon, (her boyfriend) I began to understand how difficult it must be for gay people to know they can't be in a relationship with the person they like." I begin laughing harshly at her.

"Good. I cried myself to sleep most of this week because you fucking planted that idea into my head. And I know you'll never be able to understand. That's why I told you it was okay."

"You cried because you realized some people wouldn't be able to understand?"

"Fuck no. Just the fucking fact that you told me that I can't be in a relationship with someone even if I fucking truly care about them. And because you told me that I can't get married to a girl if I want to. And because you told me that you can't find "true romantic love" in a relationship between two girls."

"So it's not because I'm not listening or because I can't understand. You just don't like what I'm saying."

"You know what? It's not because of that. It's because you don't like what _I_ think. Because you aren't _trying_ to understand how I fucking feel. It's because you're too goddamn stubborn to even consider the fact that there _can_ be true love between the same gender. You won't listen to me. You won't try to understand. Are you so _immature_ that you can't conceive the fact that people can love each other no matter what gender, race, sexuality they are? You're telling me that I have to celibate because I like girls. You're telling me that if I date a girl, it's the same as me doing drugs or cutting. How on earth does that make any FUCKING sense to you? Okay, maybe all of those stupid things are "sinful." But the difference is, is that _when_ I start dating a girl, and _when_ I marry a girl, I won't be doing it out of depression or lustful desires for drugs. I'll be doing it out of love. Which, by the way, _can_ exist between two girls. You can say that it's sinful, and that it's tainting what marriage is supposed to fucking be, but you can't tell me that I can't choose to marry someone I love, and you can't tell me I can't choose who I want to love. Got it?" I get up and stomp my way to my car. I get in and speed back to my house.

When I get inside, I smash the liquor cabinet open. The glass shatters all over the marble floor, and I grab as many bottles as I can carry, not even checking the labels to see what I'd chosen. When I reach my room, I put the bottles on my desk and I lock my door. I open one bottle and I drink as much of it as I can before coming up for air. The liquid sears in my throat and in my chest as I feel it travel down. I yank open a drawer in my desk to pull out a small silver box. I flick open the latch and pull out the icy cold metal blade. I take it with me into the bathroom, along with the bottle of alcohol. I hold my arm over the sink, and cut the ghostly pale flesh.

The pain make my eyes fill with tears, but I ignore it, taking another large gulp of what I now know is some sort of girly strawberry flavored vodka shit. Minutes pass...or they could be hours. Who knows.

Every once in awhile I make another cut, and watch as the blood seeps from it. It's really pretty, you know. The crimson red against white skin.

Eventually I fall asleep, drifting in and out of fitful dreams. Tori appears in most of them. And each dream, or should I say, nightmare, reminds me in a bitter and mocking tone that she will never love me the same.

* * *

**A.N. So there you go. Second chapter. Ridiculously long, and I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes I might have made. And just so you know...I don't think there's going to be a happy ending to this story. So that's just a little warning to any of you who think it'll have a happy ending like every single other romance story in the world. But maybe it will. I don't know. Tell me what you guys think.**


	3. Chapter 3

Pain. Pain. Pain. Life is painful. Life isn't fair. Life isn't ever fair.

I used to think that I'd have my fairytale ending. I thought Beck was my knight in shining armor. I thought...I thought I loved him. I thought I was at least bisexual. I thought we'd life happily ever after. Apparently not, since I realized I wasn't as attracted to him as I convinced myself I was. It's really difficult to explain, really. Boys are really simple. At least as far as I can see. Having sex with a boy...is so simple. So easy. It's like...they all want the same thing. They all want to just shove their dick inside you until they come. But for girls it's different. Every girl is different. Like a little puzzle that you have to solve. And I like that. At least...that's the conclusion I came to after I realized I hated having sex with Beck.

Okay, so it's not just the sex that bothers me. It's also the fact that boys don't seem to have any emotional depth. I feel like...having a relationship with a girl is just so much deeper and emotionally interconnected. Plus, girls are all gentle and sweet. Even I have a gentle side to myself, though I'll deny it if you tell anyone. There are so many different sides to a girl's personality; again like a little puzzle. And I want to solve that puzzle. I know that Tori has slightly darker side of herself. If she didn't, I would have gotten over her by now. But I can tell that she has some sort of insecurity she's hiding underneath the exterior of happiness and rainbows she displays.

The rest of the week passed by rather quickly. I had to go to church again on Friday, like always. When I got there, the worship team was practicing in the other room. I was in the conference room hanging out. I pulled out my headphones and put them over my ears to block out all the sounds coming from the other room. After awhile, Cat showed up.

"Hey hey!" She says, bouncing over to me. I let my expression remain passive as she sits next to me. I pull off my headphones. "This is Daniel." She motions over to the boy awkwardly standing in the corner. I nod at him, and he sits down in a chair. She examines my expression quietly, and leans over and wraps her arms around me. Her red hair hangs down and covers both of our faces and she whispers softly to me.

"Are you okay?" I don't respond, and she pulls away after a few more moments, nodding. "Hey you can go explore if you want to." She says to Daniel.

"Okay. What's there to explore?" He asks.

"Uhhhhhhhh...I don't know, actually. This place is pretty small. But you can go upstairs!" She says, smiling with all her bubbliness at him.

He walks out, and she sits next to me, grabbing my pearphone to see what I was listening to. I pull a little white box out of my purse and set it on the table without saying a word.

"What is that?" She asks softly. She works the top of the box off gently. Inside the box was a necklace. There's 3 charms on it. One is a piano, one is a music note, and one is a quartz crystal. I bought it the day before for Tori. Not many people know, but Tori has a secret passion for playing the piano. Which is why it made me think of her when I saw it in a store yesterday. Too bad I'll never give it to her, huh.

"It's pretty..." She murmurs, and I give her a half-hearted smile.

"Too bad I'm never going to give it to her, huh." She puts the lid back on the box and hands it to me, beginning to scroll through my music library again.

I should explain something first, actually. Cat isn't the bubbly, ditzy little girl everyone thinks she is. She's been through a lot. We've been best friends since we met in seventh grade. We hit it off, even though we were polar opposites. Or at least that's what I thought. In eighth grade, I started cutting. When I told her about it, I honestly wasn't expecting much out of her. Maybe some ditzy little response like "What's that?" But no. She didn't. And that's how I came to know the dark side of Cat. The one who used to cut. The one who attempted suicide before transferring to Hollywood Arts Junior High. The girl I could always depend on, always trust with my darkest secrets. I came to know the real Cat.

The music from the other room blares wildly, the sound bouncing off the walls of the room we're currently in. I cover my ears with my hands and duck my head down, my elbows resting on my knees. It's no use. I can still hear them singing. They're mocking me. I can still hear the pity in their voices when they found out I didn't get in.

"_Oh, it's okay. You can still try again next time."_

"Jade?" Cat says softly, pulling me in so that our foreheads are touching.

"I don't want to listen to them," I whisper softly. I dig my fingernails into my scalp as I feel tears form. She pulls me closer, and whispers condolences in my ear as I begin to sob into her shoulder.

"Look, you don't need to be in worship team, okay? We need you in the audience. We need you to lead us. And I heard her sing, okay? You're better than her."

"But I wanted to be in worship team." I whimper. "It's not fair. I was the only one who actually practiced." And it's true. I would practice every single day. And they didn't. They never practiced. They all bullshitted the audition and still got in. "None of them wanted it as much as I did."

"Look. We need you in the audience, okay? We need you to keep us on key." She laces her fingers into mine and squeezes gently. I begin to cry harder, and she holds me tighter against her body.

"I-I talked to Lilianne about me l-liking Tori," I whimper softly in between my hyperventilating, sniffling, and gasping.

"Really?"

"Y-yeah. Sh-she made me cry." She squeezes my hand again.

"Do you want me to talk to her? I'll go talk to her right now..." Cat stands up, and I link my arm in hers.

"N-no," I stammer. "D-don't leave me."

"Okay," She sighs, and sits back down. She takes my hands in hers and silently swings them between us. I pull my right hand away to swipe at my nose and eyes a few times.

"Oh, you know Daniel?" She says softly, smiling. I nod. She lowers her voice. "Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Of course not," I whisper back.

"Well, he and I...we kind of like each other," She whispers softly. She begins grinning like an idiot.

"Wait, why did I only just find out about this?"

"Well, you know how my mom was in the hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I was visiting her a few times and he texted me and found out about it. And so now he's always asking me out to dinner and he always offers to pay for things for me and he actually holds the door open for me and everything," She's absolutely beaming at this point, and I give her an almost-real smile. "And a few times I would be crying in the hospital, and then he'd text me and I'd start grinning like an idiot and people would think I was insane."

"Kind of like what you're doing now?" I smirk at her.

"Oh, shut up." She whacks me playfully on the arm.

"Hey guys! We're starting!"

"Cmon," She says. She grabs my hand and tries to drag me over to the worship room.

"No," I whine softly, the tears beginning to form in the corners of my eyes again.

"Please," She says, pouting. "For me."

"No..." I say again, but more in a "I don't want to, but okay." kind of way.

She drags me over, and I sit there with a stubbornly blank expression on my face, even as she tries to get me to interact with her.

And all I can think about is how I probably won't survive this stupid worship session.

* * *

**A.N. Tell me what you guys think. Good night.**


End file.
